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Goddess Relief Office

Cross Regional Games: Spring Games Scores

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*** What a hectic 1st day of Extreme Ironing we had today with 39 competitors rushing to remote locations ***

Most people these days, prefer to travel with their loved ones, to see exotic places around the region.

Others it seems do it with their iron board, and a piece of cloth.

Well, All 39 competitors left in the early morning with their own personal camera crew and

funky shuttle bus to a water theme location of their choice.


According to Judge Anastasia Beaverhausen who debriefed us in the early morning.

Each competitor will be judged on 5 different parameters: The Board, The Iron, The Garment,

The Extreme Location & finally, the LPSP.

With the last one Judge Beaverhasuen got a bit confused and directed us to

Barrarabia Butlers Ambassador to Herzil who happened to be in the VIP seats for this championship.

The Ambassador who was no stranger to an Iron, was kind enough to explained to us that LPSP

stands for "Level of Pressed Sheet Precision".

Judge Beaverhasuen, later apologized to the group of reporters stating: "I never Ironed a shirt in my life. We have help for that".




As one can see from the results board, 1st round was extremely taught and many were disqualified.

From talking with Judge Mortimer it seems that Judges were extremely harsh with

competitors who tried to con their way to the 2nd round.

If a Competitor used: a Tiny, No legs board, or a Toy ironing tool , they got DSQ regardless of their location, size of garment or LPSP.

Lets examine our "Homeke" competitors:

Out of the 9 competitors from The region of Texas, only Elric L'il Tex from NewTexas moved to the 2nd round.

Apparently ironing boards in Texas are not meant to be used and if you do find one, its usually in a foreigner chain - hotel room.

At least one competitor which we wont mention his name, tried to surf with the iron board and almost drowned.

6 competitors used either Tiny board or board with no legs which automatically DSQ them.

and out of the 6 Alex Leander from Scooc will be remembered for using her

Doll house board and iron toy.

Of course, there was also The Doctor from Trecdom2 who will be remembered for scoring the worse and lowest points (4).

In the photo he provided the judges.....


The Doctor tried to hide the 2nd person who helped him stable the board, and the fact that he, the doctor was stabilizing himself with an aid box of his own.

Unfortunately his photo editing didn't work well and he was caught.


Next we had some sort of social economy deficiency in the image his royal highness Prince Edward VIL from East Marbury

who did everything in a small scale: iron board with no legs, toy iron, small garment and most boring location for ironing,

while standing in a pond and using a snorkel.


That ended with a DSQ.


Its interesting to note that 3 out of 4 Canadians moved to the 2nd round and Susie Quilt from Wild Mustanges received the highest score in the 1st round ( 324 points).

She used the standard size iron board with legs, she picked an heavy housewives Iron & decided to iron one of her husband work shirts.

She would have gotten 5 points for location but given that she didn't used the wind surfer herself but let her husband navigate it while she without his help stood still and iron,

landed her 4 points.


She did however iron it badly in the LPSP meter and only received 3 points.


Next we had Lang Robins from Barrarabia Butlers & Samantha NM427 from Qanzona

Both Competitors, were the only two Ironing personas to score 5 & 5 in Location & LPSP.

They both showed great ironing skills, control of the board and professionalism.

Here we can see Robins in full Butler suit ironing in the lake of freezing Ice a gray working pants


And here we can see NM427 in her diving suit, ironing a khaki skirt in the water cave of no return.



While some tried to show great talent, others failed at it, or didn't try at all....

At first, the judges weren't sure whether Ineqi from Ananke II was busy cutting a river monster or ironing.

He didn't open the iron board which caused him to receive 1p and be DSQ.



Other worth mentioning competitors were:

Kathy Grease from Tres Valles decided to take a photo in one of the more gushing windy & wavy, rivers in Gent canton.

She started ok but at around 4pm the river was extremely gushing and it caused her Iron board to tilt on the side and half her red table cloth got wet.

It seems from the background that she wasn't the only Genius to work in that bad location



Finally, we had the pleasure of meeting Jiira from The Grendels, the only competitor to truly captured the essence of the word extreme.

Jiira did a bungee jump and pressed the iron to a cloth, on a board that was in the middle of a river..... Simply amazing....

Unfortunately her bungee cord snapped her up 2 seconds later, which is why she only received 2 points for LPSP points.


** This concludes our 1st round on Extreme Ironing **

* Tomorrow morning is Rocky Theme (2nd round) *

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*** What an interesting morning we had, with 15 ironists rocky-ing their iron board ***

Judge Mortimer replaced Judge Beaverhausen, who as we understood, was too depressed after she had to watch so many people do servants work....

stating: "there is a reason why they are down and not up" referring to the household servant quarters...

Unfortunately to most competitors, Judge Shantel Noor, resumed her position as head judge for the duration of the championship.

Well, today, competitors had to show us their ironing talent and pressed garments while they are near, in or on a rocky formation which could go from rocks to hills, to mountains.

Unlike yesterday Water Theme round which was also the qualification round.

Today Ironists where judged on their risk factor. How Dangerous was the location they

picked with a scale from 0-10 compare to yesterday location extreme 1-5.


One must say that our competitors did learn from yesterday mistakes.

Lets review the results:

With all the risk factors, some forgot to actually press the iron against the sheet.

One of those people is Elric L'il Tex from NewTexas who decided to iron his shirt while hanging from a cliff.

So while he received 9 points for risky factor, he neglected to actually press the iron which landed him 0 points in LPSP.



Another less than desired result was to Felicia Daniels from Watersville, our youngest competitor in this championship, who it seems had some sort of a Kerfuffle with her parents.

She wanted to go for a more extreme location with fear factor and her parents draw the line.

As a result she ironed her Chic Oshkosh Barmuda pants on a flat mountain peak, looking over Terman River.

While her Risk factor was just 3 out of 10. She did her LPSP perfectly, scoring 5 out of 5. Unfortunately that wasn't enough to qualify her to the last round.



Another disappointing performance was by Max Cartwright from Stormaen whom, we are not sure why he choose to use an ancient Traveling Iron known as a Foot Iron


Beside making it extremely difficult to use, it also didn't work properly, and Cartwright found himself with a flat 0 in LPSP.

To add to that, he took the picture while standing on an ant hill, which Judge Mortimer ruled: were not poisons or deadly.


Shocking results to the Wysteria group.

Jiira from The Grendels didn't hold her end of the bargain and failed to press the iron to her garment. leading to a bellow average (2) on LPSP.

Both the Three Moons and Celestial Maple competitors found themselves out as well, after failing to show proper ironing skills.

On the bright side Bret Singh, Aka "the Burner" from The Bruce gave quite a performance when he pressed his Real Iron on a Full board size,

in a trashy rock formation while tilt in a 115 angle.


** This concludes our 2nd round of Extreme Ironing **

The Judges have forward the Parameter table on which The remaining 8 Competitors will be judged


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*** What would be a 3rd round without an epic failure ***

As we mentioned before, in the 3rd round competitors were judged on one new parameter which was ingenuity,

in other words will competitors will choose boring been there done that spot or will they find new ways to define the extreme.


As it happen, our 8 competitors did take the ingenuity to their heart and at least some,

exhibit great creativity. Which we will review along with the winners.

The ironists were Judged on 5 parameters in which 3 gave points (Ingenuity, Risk & LPSP) with

Board size and Iron considered bonus of 5 points, if both parameters were positive (aka Full board size + Real Iron).


Susie Quilt from Wild Mustanges, Canada beacon of light, failed miserably when she picked to iron her blue shirt on the back of a Milked Cow.


She received 2 points for ingenuity and 10 points for LPSP.

On the other hand the judges measured the pros and cons of getting tail – slap by the cow or worse getting horde by the cows and decided the chances are slim,

which resulted in just 4 points on risk factor.


Bret Singh, aka "the Burner" from The Bruce on the other hand, decided to go out to the field and light a camp fire.

Then he took the iron board and placed it on the small campfire and started ironing his shirt which

we are not sure what color it was…. as half way through, it was caught on fire !!!

He received 5 points out of 5 for ingenuity & 8 points for risk factor.


Unfortunately since he Singe the board and shirt, and had no means of providing proof for the LPSP - he received a flat 0.

While he didn't win a Medal, the judges decided to grant him an Elisse Heroes Title for "Singh (Singeing) down the board".


Another worthy Ironist was Cloud (Aaron) Lotus from Bladetopiax who while scored same points as Susie Quilt.

He did give us a nice genuine performance when he Ironed his blouse on a tilted 4X4


Unfortunately his score wasn't enough to get him a medal.


Now to the Winners:


Sayoko Mishima from Goddess Relief Office who we kind of neglected throughout this championship, decided to go free fall with her Iron board


She received 4 out of 5 for Ingenuity and 10 points for risk factor.

Unfortunately she contradicted the Women Multi Tasking theory and had to choose between holding the board,

holding the Iron or pulling the Parachute cord.

She received just 3 points for LPSP, which happened mostly when she pulled the cord and was pulled up with the iron pressed against the board and her forehead.


She gained 17 points without a bonus and landed The Bronze.


Next we had Samantha NM427 from Qanzona who decided to pick like Bladetopiax competitor, a car to play with.

While the judges were happy to grant Bladetopiax 4 points. They found Samantha Copy Cat,

as an unacceptable behavior !!! Not to mention that her car didn't move or was tilted ...


She did however landed 10 points for LPSP and she did iron without using the trunk door as leverage

which scored her 6 points and a total of 18p which landed her The Silver.


Last was Lukarinas del Arrellia from Ardreas who is a well known rock climber.

Lukarinas decided this time to get down and nasty, in between two - recently formed and extremely unstable – walls (cranny).

He then deployed his full size board and put his real iron on which he was granted 5 bonus points for.

His soaking wet with sweat shirt from all the hard work of dangling down 50 meters. Was used as a garment for ironing.


Judge Noor stated that he looked as if he 'belonged there'.

He was granted 4 points for ingenuity, 7 points for Risk and 6 points for LPSP.

His total points + bonus were 22p which landed him The Gold.

We would like to note that This is the 2nd Time a Gold Medalist arrives from The Capital city of Arrellia in Ardreas.

The Arrellian Chefs' Guild competed at The King Feast during the 2014 Medieval Olympic and won The Gold as well.

In addition, Miles Henry McCormick was also from the Capital and competed in Swordsmanship but he didn't win a medal....


** This concludes our Extreme Ironing Championship with 3 Medalists and a Burnt Elisse Heroes Award **


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The Judges have issued a "No", its not going to happen list in advance, so that Squirrel suit – Sky Divers – Wingsuit flyers

will be prepared:


No you can not use a Blanket as your squirrel suit.

No you can not use rockets to stabilize your speed and lift.

No you can not take your spouse with you – you will have enough time at the carry race.

No you can't travel 180kmh with your Dog / snake / Cat in your backpack.

No you can not bring your Ironing board with you – we don’t want any heavy objects flying around.

No you can not change your mind after jumping from the airplane – it just doesn't work like that.

No there is no Mardi Grass coffee house in the middle of your diving, serving you Hot Rum, this isn't Apres Dive (Ski).

If you Drink, No you will not get DSQ, But you might find yourself dead for missing the landing pod.

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* What a beautiful morning here at the De Gent Olympic park where 38 athletes are getting ready to sky dive their lack *


We will be accompanied today by Judge Dagny Morozov who - we were surprise to learn - has more than 400 hours of sky diving,

and in addition enjoy wearing Squirrel suits in her free time, whether she dive or not.


Now from what we understand, this squirrel suit event is just a silly nickname for wingsuit which is a silly name for sky diving,

only as the name suggest, with a suit that lets you look like some kind of a flying rat.


In the 1st round which will be held today, all 38 sky divers will board a huge airplane and will jump from 10,000 feet (3048m).

They will be judged on several parameters:

1) Dock (Exit) – Did they exist from the airplane in full control and smoothly.

2) Control – Did they commit precise and deliberate moves while diving or did they have a lot of errors.

Now we asked Judge Dagny how is it possible to know that,

and she explained that the average time from 10,000 feet to a parachute opening is usually around

30-32 seconds (with 10sec for 1st 1000feet and 5sec for each 1000 feet afterward).

She continues, "If they will commit any sudden moves that will not integrate good with the flow of their dive,

their time will be way above 60seconds not to mention something hurried might happen…..

In addition we have Camera men everywhere…don’t worry, we will know".

3) Landing.

4/5) FreeFall Time & Height OP, with the 1st one being measured based on the height OP.

6) Penalties: Exits from the ramp before the beep, has erratic canopy control,

time above the defined maximum canopy time in a distance competition.


So there you have it, our 1st round of Squirrel suit – Wingsuit will bring divers to an height of 10,000 feet (3000 meter) from which they will jump,

traveling most of the distance in freefall before opening the parachute and landing.

* We will bring you results closer to late afternoon *

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* * *


* * *

It seems that when you ask a bunch of skydivers athletes to be on time, ready and geared up it doesn't sound as simple as some might think.

Apparently gearing up can means all sort of things to different different

And when the first batch of sky divers arrived at the air strip for short debriefing of rules,

the judges were speechless.....

Divers dressed, from real squirrel suits to Bears to Hello Kitty, to Superman meets batman meets wonder women meets fast green something…..to a naked dude

* * *



* * *

Well since wingsuits are like 'wearable aircraft with multiple wings that generate lift and create horizontal movement'.

The Judges hoped that the weird costumes will still let divers turn and dive correctly.




As one can see from the results, the majority of skydivers didn't really come up to the plate in clean hands and had either bad exit from the airplane or bad landing,

not to mention issues during free fall.

You will also notice a lot of orange colored rubrics. They marked the reason for giving a penalty point.

Now while players today, didn't receive DSQ for them.

We were told that tomorrow, every skydiver that will hit 2 penalty points will be DSQ without checking his performance.


At 6000 feet above ground Scooter Acorn from Parkplace who was dressed in a maple wingsuit, decided he had enough and opened his parachute, disregarding the required height of 3-5k.

As such, he had 27seconds of free fall & to his luck his docking, control and landing were good which resulted in just 1 penalty point.


A superb performance by Sabrina Volan from Caphtoria who graced us with a charismatic full front wonder-woman wingsuit Shenanigan....


She was 1 of the 11 skydivers who received 0 penalty points. She did a great exit from the airplane – doing a frontal jump dive.

She was able to control her cape and arms in away that didn't conflict the wind too much.

At 4,000 feet above ground she opened her Parachute, after free falling 38.5 seconds with both her feasts pointing down to earth.

Eventually landing gracefully with a roll and standing up again with her feast in the air.


Then we had the pleasure of seeing Lino Lóegaire Ó Dubhthaigh from Galicland.

Now the judges weren't quite sure who is the skydiver, as both Dubhthaigh and Galicland Mascot "the high priest of Cicolluis" were dressed in a wingsuit outfit ....


Well Dubhthaigh had a good start, exiting the jet without any issues.

He did most of his free fall at 104.32 mph considered he opened his parachute at 5,000 feet above ground.


Unfortunately he received a penalty point for bad landing, well it was more of a crash than a landing.


At first, Tom Paris from Trecdom2 looked to the judges like someone who escaped the mental home. He was dressed in what seemed to be an opened (back) robe.


Judge Shantel Noor was about to disqualify him for inappropriate dress code but then he pointed at Judge Dagny Morozov who also

graced us with backdoor opened –wingsuit - blue robe and Judge Noor who wasn't too pleased with either decided to over look.

Well things couldn't have been more wrong . When he got up in the air, Mr. Paris stumbled out of the airplane with half his robe over his head and his entire lower body naked.

His entire downfall (not free fall) was a frightening sight to see with his entire body parts including hands, dangling in the air.

By the time he got to open the parachute which as it happened was "a blanket", he was at the height of 2,000 feet above ground.

At 600 meter above ground he was far away from the landing area and actually landed miraculously into someone backyard pool during their daughter 12th birthday.

We were able to find this footage that demonstrate his falling in G rated animation


Now try to picture it with a grown person & naked


Sandy J. Squirrel from Free Guns For All was also a sight for sore eyes.

While she didn't come with a snoogie blanket to the skydiving event. She was caught trying to get

rid of her squirrel suit which was made from a town of squirrels (as Sandy is a well known Hunter).

Instead she decided to go with 80's garment with chic la freak colors....


Well, Sandy started with a good exit, and in a matter of seconds she was already in a missile dive to earth.

She had full control of her arm and legs, and almost didn't change position till the height of 2800 feet.

She free fall for 48.8 seconds and although her parachute didn't have any deployment issues. Her traveling speed wasn't as manageable as she thought and

she had to maneuvered her self to a much more comfy landing area, aka an hay stuck.


Finally we would like to review Megumi Morisato from Goddess Relief Office which was the only skydiver to used the scenery as a mean to lower speed.

It seems that around 5,500 feet, Morisato was going to pull the parachute cord but it didn't work,

In an effort to reduce the speed which was kind of impossible due to her str8 arrow vertical position, which only allowed her to make small corrections with her hands and wingsuit,

she decided to go for the clouds.


She maneuvered herself between 6 'cloud pillows' which enabled to lower her dive speed by a bit, along with several flips.

At 3,900 feet she was finally able to open her Parachute and landed gracefully.

The Judges awarded Megumi Morisato an Elisse Heroes – 'Cloud Diver' Title for her amazing, life saving & speed reducing stunt.


This conclude our 1st day of diving

Tomorrow the 38 Skydivers will compete in a very complex environment and will be judged on 8 different parameters while trying to obtain The Gold Medal


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In an order to ease the process of understanding how judges will review skydivers in the final round,

We were able to get in advance debrief from Judges Dagny Morozov & Shantel Noor.


Unlike today where our aim was to test whether skydivers are a custom to proper exit maneuver and landing process.

Tomorrow we will put our emphasis on skills and diving mastery. All skydivers will be required to wear full wingsuit garment.

They will be judged on 3 Categories:

I. Style which will be their basic ability to 1) Docks, 2) Control and 3) Land properly.

Fans need to understand that either Skydivers have what it takes or they don't.

II. stunts, Now this is by far th most exciting aspect of tomorrow dive. Each skydiver will be judged on 3 sub categories of stunts:

1) Solo - Those a skydiver can do by himself.

2) Group - Those a skydiver can do with other rivals (all divers involve in the stunt will receive points).

3) Scenery - Those a skydiver can do by interacting with the scenery (Mountains, clouds, forests, buildings etc.).

Here divers will be granted points for the number of stunts they done per sub stunt category.

III. Wingsuit, We will check whether the skydiver used 1) his wingsuit in an effort to control his dive and whether he used 2) other rivals to control or improve his own dive.


All Skydivers whether they are wearing squirrel, wonder woman outfit or wingsuits outfits,

will have a small camera attached to their helmet or other body parts as a mean of proving their stunts.

In addition we will have our own Crew of 20+ professional, skydiving throughout out the tournament to insure that all stunts and or performances are recorded.

We hope that tomorrow tournament will end without casualties !!!


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* What an Horrifying day we had with 38 skydivers most of them mentaly stabled did the unthinkable and plunged almost 4000 meter from the air *


So lets try to understand how it all worked today.

All 38 skydivers dressed more or less according to the dress code provided last night.

Were taken up in the air to a 12,300 feet from which they all jumped.

Now compare to yesterday aim which was to check their control while they freefall at least 50% of the distance to the ground.

Today they were judged on their ability to sustain their dropping height /rate to a Medium while still maintaining enough speed to produce

3 types of stunts and to deliver a nice distance coverage.

As such we will see in a few minutes (once results will be published along with footage) that being in freefall wasn't a str8 vertical arrow but more horizontal.




One can see from the results that those who truly mastered the discipline were above all others in final points.

Although there were some exceptions not to mention some horrified moments.


Sabrina Volan from Caphtoria unlike yesterday, didn't wear her chic la Freak wonder woman outfit.

Yet it didn’t stop her from displaying a beautiful composition of Style while exiting the airplane till her landing.

She was able to sustain a steady speed rate throughout the traveling. She did 7 stunts, mostly "walking in the air" and some sort of dance.

She also participated in a nice "holding hands" group stunt with Bailey Hazel from Celestial Maple and Latisha Saxton from Barrarabia Butlers.

using%20each%20other_zpsx5iolulz.gif Unfortunately her score was just 115p.


Another good skydiver from Wysteria was Darius OI117 from Qanzona who exhibit both Style and Wingsuit use which granted him 20points.

Unfortunately he didn't do a good composition of solo vs group stunts.

He will however be remembered for his "missed grotto"


which wasn't such an issue if it wasn't for another skydiver who used it perfectly. He received 86p in total.


Lino Lóegaire Ó Dubhthaigh from Galicland had a good start exiting the jet but bad landing which landed him just 10p in bonus.

He did 1 group stunt and just 5 solo stunts which were back and forward rolls....


Unfortunately there was nothing out of the ordinary and he landed 67 points.


Minx Miller from Devil Heart graced us with the 2nd worse score granted in this tournament.

She had everything - wrong going for her. 1st she decided to wear an hideous greenish-yellowish wingsuit.

She then stumbled "forcefully" out of the airplane and due to inability to stabilize herself properly, she free fell like a puppet tangled in strings.

At 2800 meters she finally 'caught up with herself', Judge Kalin Arn who isn't the one to faint from sight of blood,

was found eating her nails while watching Minx diving way too close to the mountain / rocks slops.


She did just 3 solo stunts, 0 group stunts and two curving the mountain stunts (which were seen above, though we doubt she did them intentionally).

She received a negative 20p bonus and a total of 6p.


Latisha Saxton from Barrarabia Butlers seemed to have something off with her landing capabilities as she did in the 1st round.

Here we can see her descending without effort to the lake of no birds....


And unlike her followers who, after he passed the Picnic terrace – got smashed on a tree.

Saxton was able to "avoid" the landing pad and crashed into the cold lake waters. She received 80p.


And now to our Winners:

Oscar Reed from Stormaen gave an amazing performance today. While he had perfect style and wingsuit score. He will be remembered by one of his scenery stunts, "the Grotto Maneuver".

Around 1200 meters above sea level he embraced the mountain side and was diving with the aim of using Qanzona skydiver, "missed" grotto.

Here we can see a video of his, caressing dive.


Judge Kain Arn which nothing excites her beside soccer, almost fell off her chair.

He received 124p and landed The Gold Medal.


Next we had Megumi Morisato from Goddess Relief Office.

Like Reed, she also had 7 scenery stuns. It seems Morisato preferred the other … more forest-y side of the mountains.

She caressed the mountain chain throughout her skydiving, almost touching the trees bellow her.


At 480 meter above sea (lake) level she went even more closer to the surface and in an amazing stunt crossed a forest line gap (4 meter width) and continue diving down.


She received 123p and landed The Silver Medal.


Finally we had Mario Jumpman from Randomain which unlike our previous medalists, he neglected to use his wingsuit to the max and

actually pulled the parachute 1 minute earlier than the last two.

On the other hand, he used his parachute to enhance a spectacular stunt of landing for a brief 4 seconds on another wingsuit skydiver, before lifting himself again


He received 120p and landed The Silver Medal.


* This concludes our Squirrel (Wing) Flying suit tournament with 3 Medalists *

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*What a stormy and hefty day we had today at De Gent Tracks & Field Arena *

Where 38 athletes stretched and benched and did weird noises while preparing to throw stones of different weight, to a distance.

Today Athletes had to lift a stone in 3 different weights, run on a short 6 meter path and while carrying the stone infront of them and then throw it to a distance.

The weights were 25, 34 and 62kgs.




Now according to the judges, the score was based on the average distance of the player in all throws.

In addition only 25 athletes moved to the 2nd round.

So lets look at the results:

Katya Pulk from The Three Moons who we been told, was training hard for this competition, by tossing all sorts of objects,

from cell phones to pens, to paper clips, had the lowest average distance. Scoring just 5.05 meters.


A Beautiful performance by Hulkahm Hjolron from Marldeep. Hjolron was running like a school girl the 6 meters as if the stones had no weight.

He had the 2nd spot which he shared with another thrower in the 62kg distance.

Here we can see him running with the 62kg stone infront of him with the famous "I'm just a lonely boy begging for food" position.


Then getting ready by raising it above his head…


Which ends with a lovely throwing motion that travels for 5.55 meter…



Another great performance was by Zorak from Studly Penguins.

Now Zorak was able to gain the 3rd best distance score for light stone weight of 25kg.

Later he scored the best distance score for the 62 kg category.

Looks as he run the distance while carrying the 62kg stone…. What strength, what a great Man of the mountain Physique ….


We will probably see more of his whale size body in the next rounds!


Another worth watching closely thrower, was none other than The Duke of Tetherson from East Marbury .


The Duke was able to gain the 1st place in lightweight stone category of 25kg with 9.15 meter distance.

He later gained the 1st place in medium weight stone category of 34kg with 8 meter distance.

Unfortunately he only did 3.68 meter in the 62kg category which was according to this lovely table

the judges forward – bellow average.



Helga Lyftit from Jintopia graced us with a bad behavior, boarding with cruel injustice to a man loins.

It seems Lyfitt didn't want to work with the 3 sets of weights that everyone else were throwing and suggested mini pencil stone weight.

When she was denied. She tried to seduce Judge Mortimer who told her that 'she was a bit too fossil for his taste'…


Unfortunately the judge bodyguard was in the crossfire Which resulted in a kick to the loin…



"Junkyard Jim" from Palman that looked more or less like an Hillybilly from the lower highlands, was able against all "culture odds" to gain the best total average score for the round. 7.01 meter to be exact.


Others less fortunate or less famous in the round:

Tossika Moves from Parkplace who will not be moving to the second round, had an average low score distance all together of 5.31


She didn't hold her end of the bargain after she bet with others yesterday night that she will toss the stone effortlessly.


Brace Parr from Free Guns for All had an interesting average score of 5.82 meter distance.

He will however be remembered for his tingling and giggling fat body who was everywhere while he ran like a gazelle with the 62kg stone.


* This Concludes our 1st round of Throwing heavy objects *

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*Yet another Tre – Epic day at De Gent Tracks & Field Arena *


Where 25 athletes competed in the 2nd round of throwing things.

Only today they had to show mastery in 3 rather traditional throwing disciplines: Discus, Javelin and Hammer.

And unlike typical Olympic discus javelin and hammer, today they had only one try per discipline.

In addition only 12 athletes, moved to the final round.



Before we go for the results, lets look at what our competitors where facing.

Their first throw was Discus, where athletes had to throw a 2kg lenticular disc by taking an initial stance facing away from the direction of the throw.

They then had to spins around one and a half times through the circle to build momentum, and releases his/her throw to a distance greater than 50 meter to not be DSQ.

Once athletes finished, they moved to Javelin, where they were they had to hold a 2.5 meter javelin, weighting 800g and throw it overhand,

over the athlete's shoulder or upper arm to a distance greater than 60 meter to not be DSQ.

Finally, they had to throw an heavy 7.25kg Hammer (ball/cube attached to a chain). The throwing motion involved two swings from stationary position.

Then they had to do 3-5 rotations of the body in circular motion using a complicated heel-toe movement of the foot before releasing the hammer to a distance.

So lets look how our fierce athletes did:

Taffeta Gravindueh from Ursus Arctos an average distance score at the Discus throwing.

It seems that the well known ex Ballet dancer had an average distance start with the discus throw, reaching just 69.73 meter.


However, she achieved great score during the Javelin, reaching 92.50 meter in distance.

She later received another average distance score in Hammer throw...


Which eventually landed her an average distance score of 77.43 meter and granted her a pass to the final round.


The Duke of Tetherson from East Marbury didn't disappoint in the 2nd round as well.

The duke decided to shave his beard after his coach suggested it will ease the wind impact while taking a swing.


While his Hammer throw was to an average distance, 66.45m. He got 3rd spot on both Discus and Javelin. Scoring 75.63m for Discus and 93.67 for Javelin.

His average distance of 78.58 granted him passage to the final round.


Tyrellius de Vega from Ardreas had an average distance in both Discus & Javelin throws. Luckily he was better in hammer, scoring the best distance at 85.31 meter which elevated his

average distance throws to 77.35 granting him access to 2nd round.


D. R. Nyrph from Zybodia the famous butch, un-sexed categorized CRG judge, was Zybodia best (it seems) choice for throwing objects.

And although she had an interesting successful 1st round. She failed miserably during the 2nd.

It seems that Nyrph was pissed off after Judge Anastasia told Judge Dagny over (an open mic) – during the event – that she hoped

Nyrph will have better performance throwing than she did "judging".

While her outrage landed her a great distance score in Discus, it didn't transcended to the Javelin were she found herself twice tangled

by her own feet and smashed against the running path while throwing the jave.


Her score in Javelin was just 68.73 (2 m above the lowest score that day) and her average distance score was 68.61.


Other worth noted athletes:

Emile Chaigon from Miriliarith had the best Discus throwing distance, at 76.61 meter.

His average distance result was 80.29 meter

which landed him safe passage to final round.


Jason Mac Gregor from The Bruce, also known as "The Black Irish" for having same stamina as black man, only after he drinks loads upon loads of beer.

He will be remembered for having the highest Javelin throw, score this round, at 95.98 meters. His Average distance of 79.60 also gave him safe passage to final round.


Finally, "Junkyard Jim" from Palman surprised the judges again by scoring the best Average distance result in the 2nd round, at 82.81 meter.

* This Concludes our 2nd round *

** Final round tomorrow will be throwing heavy objects over the bar **

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*We are here at the Final day of the Throwing Heavy weight Festival *

De Gent Olympic Tracks and Field Arena is completely packed with no free seats as fans are anxious to see who will win the gold medal.

Although Athletes started the final round more than 2 hours ago, we are still waiting for the last 3 to try their best luck.

Unlike the previous 2 rounds, today athletes competed in "Throwing weight over the bar"

Each athlete had to stand under a pole with different height marks on it and try and throw 3x2 sets of weights as high as S/he can.

The Sets were of 12kg & 25kg. The Winner will be chosen based on his average height throw.

Well it seems the Judges have finished scoring the athletes, so lets look at the results


Many fans at the audience were cheering for Andre L'il Tex from NewTexas a giant in his own mind (…and others) who gave quite a show when he used an impressive technique with his throw.

In his throws he used his hand without really grabbing the chain attached to the weight. And while lifting the cubic up in the air, he always raised the tip of his middle finger in the direction of the throw…

This "Throwing a Finger Tip" and not in the manner you think. Worked fine for the two throws but he continue with it till the end even though he didn't bring better results.

Actually when you look at the score board, his height throws were decressed from one throw to the next.


Never the less, Judge Mortimer and judge Kalin Arn, decided (after fighting with Judge Anastasia about the manners issue) to grant him Elisse Heroes award for the unique giant technique.


Angus McCloud from Wild Mustanges had a Mediocre throws at best and his final average was at 4.86 which wasn't enough to qualify him for the top 3.


Brace Parr from Free Guns for All had a good 3 throws opening in the 12kg scoring from 6.03, 6.26, 6.50 meter.

But then he decided to let his hair loose,


Some say it’s the main reason for his failure in the 2nd set of weights (25kg), as his hair got in his eyes and he wasn't able to see the pole not to mention bar.

Now lets look at the winners of this Throwing Extravaganza:

There was almost no surprise when Junkyard Jim entered the top score board. But what really "WoW" the viewers and judges was his 1st 2 throws.

He was able to obtain 7.02 meter while throwing the 1st 12kg, breaking World record, which was 6.91 meter before.

Then in his 2nd throw he reached 7.14 meter and broke the record again.


His 2nd set (25kg) was good beside the 2nd throw.

Never the less he was able to obtain an average score of 5.86 meter for all 6 throws which landed

him both The Gold Medal and Elisse Heroes title for breaking record.


Alex Herakleos from Caphtoria, was the only athlete to put 6 throws that didn't fall bellow 5.36 meter.

He received the 2nd highest average height score and landed The Silver Medal.


Finally, Emile Chaigon from Miriliarith had a good start with 6.69meter in his 1st throw.


Unfortunately his 2nd throw reached the bottom distance for 12kg.

The judges were not quite sure why there was such a huge drop but hopped he will come to his senses and bounce right back.

Which he did in his next 3 throws before, going back to 1st base.

Never the less he was able to score 5.60 meter and landed The Bronze Medal.

* This conclude our Throwing Heavy Objects – 3 Days Competition, with 3 Medalists and 2 Elisse Heroes *

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